Is Man’s ‘Runner’s Diarrhea’ Defense Legit?


An ex-New Jersey superintendent pled guilty to defecating on school property. Subsequently got the awesome nickname of Pooperintentent of Schools, is now calling for an investigation into the local police department after they leaked his mugshot to the public and left his life in the toilet. The man claims he suffers from a documented medical condition. He has runner’s diarrhea. Judge Mary. Well now that I have now coined myself as the poopologist of this show, (audience chuckles) since I do have experience in picking up puppy poop all the time, you know what’s really fascinating to me? Is that a local police department actually spent time– I agree. Surveilling and doing research and looking through videos. Do you have nothing better to do than look for who’s defecating on a field, on a school property? I mean, that’s bizarre. Okay so let’s break this down. There’s a medical side and a legal side. Medically I want to give this man the benefit of the doubt. Because anyone who has ever been out exercising and has had that moment… (audience chuckles) Don’t look at me like I’m crazy! (audience laughs) Yeah, but wait– But I’ve had, I’ve even had times honestly, leaving work here, biking back to where I’m staying. And you’re halfway there, you’re like, oh boy. This light better turn green. (audience chuckles) You gotta squeeze those cheeks a little tighter. Squeeze those cheeks. So I’m giving this guy the benefit of the doubt because he says that he runs 40 miles a week and let’s just say, let’s just say if he did it one time he’s like, you know what? It’s early morning, no one’s here. And it happened, I would be okay with it. Your issue is that he does it a lot. My concern is that he did it several times. And at the rival high school. At the rival high school. Same place every time. I kind of liked it. I mean, I kinda like it. He’s going to the rival high school. He’s like take some of this. (laughs) You know, so what’s up now? Because this has become a very legal thing. Because he is now suing the local police department seeking up to a million dollars in damages because of the leaked photo. It’s ’cause his mugshot. Because he’s been shamed now. Yeah. Well in his case, I don’t think it’s gonna go very far because he’s pled guilty. He has admitted that he’s done it. So the mugshot was you know, something that the police put out first of all as an investigative tool because they took a picture trying to figure out who he was. And it is a public record. The problem is when you get people who are acquitted. People who never really, the charges never follow through. And that shot’s out all over. So now, three years later, you’re applying for a job and they go, hey you were arrested for defecating on a field. You know, what do you do? You can’t retract it. And that comes down to the individual states. They’re gonna have to create laws that say if you’re not found guilty or if the charges never proceed, that picture needs to be removed as well as anything associated with the arrest. I think it’s really unfair too, because some websites like mugshot.com, you can pay money to have it taken down. You know, like they are taking advantage of people. And you know this, why? Well you know. (laughs) I was his accomplice. I don’t wanna sit next to her anymore. (audience laughs) But for good reason, because people will at times have a very minor offense. And in the day and world of internet shaming, that mugshot gets out there, it’s out there for life. And on top of it– And there’s this court of public opinion, right? Everybody’s gonna assume you’re guilty for the rest of your life. ‘Cause that photo is out there. No one reads the retraction. Yeah, well the retraction’s like that big in the classified ads. ‘Cause that’s happened to me. And it never takes away what you initially see. You’re right. As a judge, before we go to break, because we are out of time. Simple solution here. Poop goes in the toilet so your life doesn’t go in the toilet. Right, there you go, I like that analogy. Poop in the toilet. No life in toilet.

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